Sometimes I wonder if I should done my undergrad somewhere else, but then I remind myself that I met two of the best people I could ever meet while I was there. I met a friend who understands me better than just about anyone and a professor who was kind enough to act as an adviser and therapist for me, even though he was neither of those things.

I’m still in touch with my friend and talk to her often, because it isn’t weird to do that when you are friends and peers. But I am falling out of touch with my favorite professor because I don’t know how to maintain that relationship now that I am not a student. I really wish that I could take him with me to graduate school so that I could go into his office, talk things out, and feel validated in my choices and also like maybe I am smart and capable of good things after all.

I realize that I sort of quit updating this blog at a point where I was not doing very well.

I have a therapist I like right now and I think being out of school has been good for me. I am pushing myself at a job that is not really suited to me and feel like a grown up for that. I have a driver’s license and will be starting grad school in early September.

I’ve had struggles and stuff, but I’ve been talking about them elsewhere. Perhaps I will go back to this one once I’m back in school.

Trying to use music as a motivator to feel better instead of a trigger or something wrap myself up in and wallow.

Fuck

I thought I was over her. I really did. Why do I still get sort of jealous?

Fuck you. Just because you’re a European American without a strong sense of ethnic background doesn’t mean I am too.

Ashkenazi Jewish is my ethnic identity. Stop trying to tell me that it doesn’t count as an ethnicity.

White is my race, American is my nationality (maybe not forever, but even if I become an ex-pat I’ll be an American-something), and Ashkenazi is my motherfucking ethnicity.

Apparently “thinking about shaving” can be added to the list of things that make me sort of anxious. Less anxious than calling a potential new therapist, but more than picking where to sit on the bus when I know I’mm have to sit next to someone.

Did Degrassi do good foreshadowing of the whole Asher/Clare thing, was is obvious and clunky, or do I just know how this show too well?

Probably the second or third options.

I remain convinced that Jenna on Degrassi likes girls and doesn’t know it yet.

I mean I didn’t figure out that I also liked girls until I was almost 16 so maybe she is also oblivious longer than most people are.

Also they should stop having her sing